Week 1

HW: 187

CW (at week start): 185.47 (1.53 lb lost) 

Day 3

     Finally, a weightloss, non-super shitty day!  I did have a splurge treat today but it was still a weight loss day and I was fairly sensible the rest of the time.

•      Breakfast: A chocolate cupcake luna bar and a banana (301 calories)
•      Lunch: A giant ceasar salad with only half the dressing (roughly 400 calories)
•      Snack: Two cookie treats (I'm guessing 500 calories)
•      Dinner: Pesto fettuccine and a piece of toast. 
•      Exercise: I'm having terrible luck with these 36 minute 5 run/1 walk runs.  So this one I got to the fifth set, started wondering when I was going to walk because it was feeling like forever....and my timer had somehow reset.  Balls!!!  Ugh.  So I started up again but only ended up doing around 31.82 minutes (I think).  And if that's what I did it was at a pace of 12.93 min/mile which is my fastest pace yet.  Here's hoping.  Apparently the universe is telling me I should run my half marathon with a 4/2 alternation but we'll see.  I'm going to keep trying for now.
•      Water: At least 7 cups.  Hopefully 8 if I can get this down before it's too late.
•      Steps: 8,700+  Likely over 10,000 in actuality but I was a ding dong and forgot my fitbit most of the morning, including for when I walked around the grocery store.

 

    So, it clearly could have been a better day.  I could have used some more fruits and veggies instead of cookie treats; but, I have ice cream sitting in the fridge that I didn't touch and it was still a weight loss day.  I'll call it a win.  If I ate like this everyday I'd 4.8 pounds in five weeks or .96 pounds a week or 38.53 by the end of the year.

  
Day 2

     It's a process right?  You guess it.  Another shitty day.

•      Breakfast: 2 pieces of bacon and 2 scrambled eggs
•      Lunch: Two pieces of pizza
•      Dinner: Cheeseburger, some fries, and some onion rings.  Followed by a junior ice cream sundae I shared with the toddler.  
•      Exercise: Was supposed to do 36 minutes alternating five minutes of running and 1 of walking.  I made it halfway through no problems and then the toddler started whining, and saying the same thing over and over again.  I can only handle one form of exertion at a time (mental or physical).  So I ended up walking more than I'd liked.  Ended up going 2.6 miles for an average pace of 13.85.  Not my best but not too bad.  I don't want to risk that happening again though so hubby is going to help make sure I can run alone on weekday runs.  Plus, this way I won't have to push a 70 pound stroller.
•      Water: At least 5 cups.  Probably close to 6.  Should be more. 
•      Steps: 11,300+

     Clearly not the best day ever.  According to myfitnesspal if I ate like this everyday I'd gain four pounds in five weeks.  Yeah, I don't want to do that.  

     On the plus side, I didn't eat girl scout cookies tonight.  One of my biggest mind games I play with myself is to say "well you've already eaten like crap today, might as well finish it off with crap and start tomorrow".  It's such a toxic way of thinking.  Because if I had eaten those cookies I'd be digging myself an even bigger hole to climb out of.  And I really don't want to do that.   

 

     I need to stop giving up so easily. I can do this.  It's obviously very hard for me; but, I'm doing my best to keep going.

     If only because I went clothes shopping and I clearly either need to lose weight or buy myself new boobs because I'm so tiny on top and thick in the lower waist that nothing fits!  I cant even wear cute plus size stuff.  No clothes for me.  So clearly, I need to work on myself so that I can at least wear clothes ;)

  Day 1

     Today was...rough.  I'm still reeling from a bad day yesterday (body image-wise and otherwise) and I let it impact my day.  

•      Breakfast: Luna bar (the chocolate cupcakes ones are heavenly) and a banana.  Feeling good about this one.
•      Lunch: Two pieces of pizza and two breadsticks.  Womp, womp.  Not the best choices.  Followed it up with a mid afternoon snack of 8 Thin Mint Girl Scout cookies.
•      Dinner: Pesto fettuccine and french bread with butter.  Meh, not the healthiest.  Could have done with one slice of bread; but, I'll never beat myself up over a yummy dinner with my family. 
•      After dinner... two of what I call "cookie treats".  The grocery store makes little whip cream sandwiches with cookies.  Terrible, no good, very bad life choice.
•      Exercise: Non existent.  

     Yeah, it wasn't a good day.  It started off okay and then crashed in a fiery inferno.  I know that I can be better.  I know that I can do better.  It's time to just do it  


Note:  This post will be my running log for the week.  Each day I'll update this post with my current doings.  :)

 

Time for Accountability

This is the year things will change for me.  This is the year I will stop being excuses and take control of my health.  This is the year of "me".  

Where it All Begins

I was always a chubby kid.  I was never fat.  Never obese.  But once I hit third grade, I was never fit either.  I played soccer and played outside a ton.  I wasn't a video game kid by any means; but, our diet at home wasn't perfect.  That's been the resounding theme for my journey towards fitness and health my entire life.

When I moved away to college I was about 145 at 5'2.  Towards the end of my freshman year and the beginning of my sophomore year, I had enough.  Over the course of a few months I lost twenty pounds.  I looked great.  I felt great.  I exercised daily and ate within my calorie range without depriving myself.  It was perfect.  ~~~ My family thought I had an eating disorder.  Unable to grasp that I could have dropped the weight alone I was accused of developing an eating disorder, I was belittled for making a giant salad at a buffet, and my divorced parents actually talked to each other about how concerned they were for me.

Between that and some personal drama I gained back ten pounds but was still at 135 when I got married in 2010.  Within a year of being married we bought a house, my mother in law moved in (she's out now thank goodness), and I got pregnant.  By the time our anniversary rolled around I gained twenty pounds and was up to 155.

I gained 30 pounds during my first pregnancy and battled gestational diabetes.  I ate for two.  By the time I had my older daughter in May 2012 I was 180.  Over the next year I lost only 8 pounds before I found out I was pregnant in August 2013.   

I had morning sickness with my second daughter and actually lost weight at first.  I kept my eating much more in check and only got up to 180 in this pregnancy despite having started at a much higher weight.  I came home from the hospital in April 2014 weighing in at 175.  I was determined to lose weight.

The Now

Unfortunately, things didn't go as planned.  While I was recovering from my second c-section in less than two years, my husband cut a tendon in his foot and was on crutches two weeks after I delivered. We had a rough few months and I let things get out of control.  The rest of 2014 was full of counting calories half heartedly, working out very little, and fluctuating between 175 and 187.

At the beginning of 2015 I decided I needed to change.  I'm running (and walking) a half marathon in May and I started training.  At first I could barely do two miles while alternating one minute of running and two minutes of walking.  Now I can go six miles while running four and walking two.  My fitness has gotten so much better.  BUT I've only lost 1.5 pounds in three months, my body fat has stayed the same, as has my measurements.

Admittedly Ive been half assing calorie counting.  Clearly I need to not ass it at all.  I need to punch it in the face.  So, here I am.  Blogging about it and trying to keep myself accountable.  

The only thing waiting for me if I continue down this path is diabetes, heart problems, another overweight pregnancy (we want one more), and a body that doesn't suit who I am inside.

This is my year.  Feel free to follow along.